Challenged and Notwithstanding
what do i really want? what do you really want? from God, that is. i watch myself from above my head, i guess thats called existentially and i notice, in my deepest heart of hearts, all i want from Him is more Him. something happens, though. something stirs and something tempts. then i fall over, succum to the temptor, to the tempt...and when he helps me stand again, as he always does, i see, why did i do that? well, thats not it. first i say, "why did He let me do that?""isnt HE protecting me?" "doesnt He know what im weak to? capable of? yearning for?" but then, the blame settles as it should, not on Him, not on the devil, not on others, but squarely in my lap. choices and marks point to me. i get the black dot, intead of the gold star. i could have proven deeply and intimately this love i have. instead, i chose myself again. but, still there beating and gurgling within me is this need or desire to see Him more clearly-to know Him more intimately. how, oh how can these two desires live next door to each other in my heart? its because of my need to be startled, clutched, grabbed by His presence. church is NOT enough. fellowship is NOT enough, even christ on a cross a couple thousand years ago is NOT enough. no. no, jiggies needs MORE than that, God. jiggies needs something FRESH, something REAL.jiggies needs for you to consider her a little more. so i stumble through sin. i'll stumble onto cults. i'll look for my miraculous healing. i'll look for my deliverance. i'll look for my perfect president. i'll look for the sign in the clouds. i'll look for the dead demons on the rug. i'll watch the cancer cells in my friend to see if they'll disappear. i'll wait for myself to speak in tongues. i'll wait for that apostle to pray over me. i'll wait for the mentor to make me who i am meant to be. but never, no never, will i be satisfied with that one day, that one act. with Christ on cross, nail in hand, spear in side. no, life forever is not enough for me. Give me Prosperity. Give me Health. Give me Happiness.
Simple faith in Christ alone is what i want from me. not faith in people, not faith in practices, not faith in healing, not faith in miracles, not faith in signs and wonders. Small, simple, real faith in Christ.
posted by Jiggs @ 10:00 AM
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