Turners Ladder
I always thought I hated Corporate America. I dont mean the way hippies hate "the man," or the way liberals hate big oil companies. I mean, I've never seen corporate america as having been a place I would want to be. Racing and climbing and competing. I really hate the experience.And somehow in the midst of hating that, I found myself here...right in the middle of it. Somehow, my management has gotten me in this race. All of the sudden, I'm seeing other people get ahead because they're kissing ass or flirting or looking stressed out. What a friggin game!
Has being here made C.A. any more endearing? Nope. I read books about power and influence now because I'll make more money and seem m0re eager that way. I hate power and influence. You have to "broaden your circle of influence" "touch more people" Blah blah.
So what do I do? Do I get more angry at C.A.? Do I step in and play the game? Do I get out now? To I just shut off wanting to even care. I find myself wanting to knock people off their high horses. I want to sabotage people and make them play the game harder. I want to get mean and spiteful and bump up in their place when they're not looking. People that think they're soooo important and on the road to being Soooo special and powerful. I just want to KNOCK them over, Spill their milk, and eat their cookies.
On the other hand. Maybe thats not the way to get them. Maybe I should win the hearts of everyone else here, form some kind of coallition and take down the people that annoy the hell out of me.
In my time in college I was taught that the best way to be a leader was to be a servant first. Serving the people around you made you a more effective leader in their eyes as they knew you werent doing it for personal gain, but for attainment of the common goal. Maybe thats the way to win at this game...
I need a different perspective.
The trouble is, I dont really care. Gosh, That sucks, but its true. I dont care 100%. I care that I hate my job sometimes. I care that I dont make enough money. But I dont care about the platform I work for. Sometimes I care, and when I care, I kick ass. But then I stop and shut down. I start caring more about something completely unrelated.
I did my budget today. And I saw that if i take some initiative, I could have $12,000 in savings in just two years. What the hell. 2 years? Trouble is? I have to stay determined about something for 2 years. Good luck with that! I can barely stay motivated past a couple days.
So why do I care about who gets to be my supervisor? I could be a supervisor. I WANT to be kind of... But I would want to be a good one. And I would want good people. I dont think supervisors get to pick who they supervise. That would be cool though. I wouldnt want to supervise these people. The ones I work for now. They're all truly great at what they do and we're all the same. For someone to say I was more capable or a leader amongst them wouldnt be fair. I know who I think the leaders are among us, and the people that have been chosen arent those.
Apparently though, for whatever reason, I've been chosen. I kind of hate that. I kind of like it. I want to come ahead as being the best of the best. I know there are two of us that have been chosen and I think I have it way more together than the other one. I know I do.
Why does this work for me? This sabotage, I'm the best attitude? Where did I get this?
I have some spheres of influence that I can take and run with and make better and better. I can do more and be more in what I have.
It will take more than being determined two days out of the week though. It will take real persistance all the time. And it will take chosing to be what I really can be every single day.
posted by Jiggs @ 9:04 AM
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