I wonder if I have "it"
It was just a joke, but I got it way too deeply.
Jim Gaffigan, funniest guy I've heard lately made the joke. He was talking about sleep, and how much he loves it. At the end he said, yeah, who are those people that dont need sleep, what are they called? Successfull?
At first I laughed. AHAHAHA good one Jim. But then I thought.
Ouch.
Thats true.
This up and down waving ebb and flow of my life really sucks sometimes. It all comes down to what I feel like doing and 90% of the time I dont "feel" like doing what I should. So where do I get determination? Does it grow somewhere? Do I develop it somehow? Where does the determination come from to exercise, clean, work, save money? Where do I find that?
It drives me crazy.
I feel like there's some secret formula to life that I havent figured out yet. And I hate that. It plagues my thoughts. I just want to do everything I want to do, but a lot of those things require me to be "on" more than I am. And that reason is why it seems like those things will never happen.
I PLACED!!
Well, I placed third in my division in my triathlon today. I'm not going to tell you about the whole race...lets just talk about what I learned. I learned that I'm really fat. Blah blah blah...You can think whatever you what about my having said that, BUT the fact of the matter is, that I could do SO much better if I lose weight. And how much better a way to lose it than by training it away. This race today just reminded me that I've not arrived where I wish to be with the triathlon stuff. I have my "'A' Race the last weekend in September. Thats 10 weeks. I have 10 weeks to train to get under two hours on that race. I did well on the bike today, so I think I'm going to focus ONLY on swimming and running for the next ten weeks. I'll go on one bike ride a week, every Saturday from now till then. That should do.
Anyway, enough about what I'm "gonna" do...I had a good time today doing what I did. And I was reminded again that even though I'm not yet a certain triathlete by feeling (though technically by title) all the athletes there were very encouraging. Even as I was one of the last five people out on the course, they would still drive by (on their way home) and cheer for me "almost there! Keep going!" Why would they do that? I love that about them. Granted, its not everyone, but those 10 or 12 people who did cheer, and then the dozens of people who cheer when you finish..>thats pretty powerful. The thing about it is, there's something so much safer about them knowing that youre doing it than regular people on the street knowing youre doing it. I would rather train by running a race every day, than run quietly by myself on the street in the early morning when one or two cars passes by. I think thats because people at the race know that everyone has to start somewhere and we're all doing it. But people on the street could just think "girl, youre no athlete, go back home and sit on the couch." But I guess, who cares either way right? The thing I realized today, not during the race, but now, As I look at the pictures of what I looked like doing it, is that you really do have to start somewhere. That means that if youre overweight, and you want to be a skinny triathlete, you need to first be an overweight triathlete. It sucks, but the perseverence and determination it takes to get there is so much more beneficial once you get to be the skinny triathlete.
I look forward to those days of being that athletic person, but until then, I'll enjoy this time too.. The time when I can get some super athlete so moved that he rolls his window down to yell nice things at me. (at least I'll pretend that I had that effect.)
I feel so dirty
What's happened to music?
No..Seriously...I was sitting here at work just minding my own business listening to an excellent mix of Female Rock and saw an ad pop up on AOL radio for Paris Hilton's new song..Up until now I've only known Paris to be a media nuisance as I'm trying to get to the real news. She'll pop up for a blurb about something pornographic and mumble something like "God, that's Hot!" To my knowledge, not only is this all we've seen, but quite certainly, all she can do. This "song" of here's that I heard was just further verification of that simple truth as in the first four an a half seconds she simply grunts, groans and then says, "Yeah, that's hot." I laughed outloud...That's before I was muscially assaulted by crap. The stars are blind, eh Paris? Apparently the stars are deaf too.
ok a few things:
A: This conglomeration that Ms Hilton has released is
not to be confused with music. It is in fact not a "song." It's a series of vulgar grunts and moans set to someone else's beat. It sounds more like the audio track to a porn movie than it sounds like a song.
B: Money
surely does NOT make one a musician. There's more artificial dubbing in this CD than in Cher's last release. The only difference being that Cher did it to alter her already acceptable singing voice, not to
create a singing voice as has young Paris.
C: Paris, you should stick to texting your friends and playing with your teacup puppies. Because I've never heard something so atrocious. I'd rather listen to Gwar.
Can someone new come out who cares about writing good new music with powerful messages? Because it seems like women with good voices get sucked into the same booty music while the boys with good voices won't abandon the songs of the rat pack. There are only so many ways to sing those songs guys...Seriously.
I want someone who's got it all. Someone who can write the music, read the music, play the music and sing the music...Is that too much to ask? At this point, I wouldn't even care if they were good as long as they just tried. Geesh. Could we
be any more granulated? You write the music, you write the words, you play the piano, you play the guitar, you sing the words, you turn up the volume.
At the risk of sounding cynical, oops...too late, sorry...I have realized that I've reached the point that it seems the only music that appeals to me anymore come in the form of songs already written. I don't even know what stations play new music anymore and I don't even care! What's that about?!
There's a hole in music out there...Someone needs to fill it. We need smart, young, talent people to play smart young music...Cuz I ain't ready for "Adult Contemporary"
